The Phallusy of Bryce

Although there were still plenty of hikes and activities that we could do in Zion National Park, it was time for us to move on to our next destination, Bryce Canyon.  The drive would take us only about two hours, so we left late in the morning.  We drove along the Zion-Mount Carmel Highway with switchbacks providing beautiful views of the surrounding landscape.  Part of the road tunnels through a mountain, a project that costed a fortune when it was finished in 1930.

Pedestrians and bicyclist are not permitted in the tunnel...

...because they would easily be roadkill in the narrow two-lane road.

The Wife and I were impressed by the several interesting
geological formations that we passed along our route.

The Kids were too busy with their iPads to peel their eyes away from their electronic devices.  As we passed through Dixie National Forest, we began seeing the beautiful red rock formations common in this part of the state.

This is not quite the Zion-Mt. Carmel Tunnel, but it's still pretty cool.

After travelling a bit farther, we entered Bryce Canyon National Park.  The iconic feature of this park are the hoodoos.  These are tall, geological spires containing a hard rock at the top with a softer one at the base.  Over time, the softer rock erodes leading to a long tubular structure capped by a nob-like rock at the top.  Essentially, hoodoos can look like giant penises.  We had seen hoodoos in Cappadocia, Turkey (they call them fairy chimneys), but they didn't look very phallic at all.  Utah would be different.

There is not much in terms of towns in this rural portion of the country.  About the only thing close to a commercial center was the Ruby's Inn which was actually located within the park.  This hotel has expanded over the 100 years of its existence to include a restaurant, RV park, outdoor adventure outfitter, etc.  We stopped off at their huge general store to pick up some food and supplies for the next few days.

We weren't very keen on staying at the Ruby's Inn, so we had reserved a rustic cabin at the Bryce Canyon Lodge.  We were too early to check into our room, so we grabbed our gear for a 3 mile hike.  Starting at Sunrise Point, we walked down into the canyon following the Queen's Garden Trail.

A mid-afternoon view of Bryce Canyon from Sunrise Point.

Like Zion Canyon, the chippies were plentiful and unafraid of humans.

The Queen's Garden Trail snaked along the rock formations in the canyon.

We hiked along many picturesque landscapes along the Queen's Garden Trail.

The descent down into the canyon was pretty easy with scenic views of all the giant penises hoodoos.  While Zion Canyon was pretty hot and sunny, Bryce was much cooler from the higher altitude.

Penis

Penis with nut sack

Nobby penis

Three penises...and The Family too.

Wooden penis

Some penises can be too heavy for one person to carry.

Eventually, this path intersected the Navajo Loop Trail.  We took the southern end of the loop as it led us on a sharp incline back to the rim of the canyon.

From the bottom, the climb upward looked daunting and exhausting.

But at the top, we could laugh at all the poor saps at the bottom.

After our sojourn into the canyon, we checked into our cabin at Bryce Canyon Lodge.  It looked pretty similar to the one at the Zion Lodge.

The park service must have gotten a pretty good deal on green
shingles as they were the same as the ones at Zion Lodge.

The room was cozy.  Like the other national park guestrooms, it also lacked a television or WiFi.

We proceeded to drive out of the park to the Bryce Canyon Pines Restaurant.  It's part of a motel complex that was first built in the 1930's.  As one of the few restaurants in the area with decent Yelp ratings, it was pretty busy by the time we got there.  We waited an hour to get a table, and enjoyed their decor that celebrated the region's Butch Cassidy history.

Chowder

Smothered hamburger steak

Fried shrimp dinner

Rainbow trout

T-bone steak

Boysenberry pie ala mode

Strawberry banana pie

Sour cream and raisin pie

Despite the long wait and out-of-the-way drive, the restaurant was worth it for the pies alone.


*****


July 30, 2017


The Wife and I awoke the next morning, eager to tackle the 5.2 mile Peekaboo Loop Trail.  Our enthusiasm was greeted with grumbles from The Kids.

We drove the short distance to Bryce Point.  From that observation point on the canyon rim, we could see the terrain that the Peekaboo Loop Trail would traverse.

We hiked down a series of switchbacks that led to the bottom of the canyon.

As we descended about 1,000 feet in less than a mile, I kept thinking to myself how difficult the return journey back up these same switchbacks would be.

At several points, the trail tunneled... 

...through the large rock formations.

 

At the "Wall of Windows," centuries of erosion had created openings along the rocky spires.

Despite the cold winters at this elevation...

...trees with gnarled branches and
roots are still able to thrive.

Unlike the previous day's hike, the Peekaboo Trail was more open.  This allowed us to appreciate the vast extent of the penises geological formations around us.

Segmented penis

Marfan penis

Dwarf penis

Pointy penis

A chippie is intimidated by the towering penis.

An army of giant penises.

Although we didn't see any horses on the trails, there was plenty of messy evidence that they had been around.  Unlike the fat chippies that we had seen in Zion National Park, those at Bryce Canyon were much leaner and probably not as well-fed by tourists.  We encountered one chippie in particular who was either very hungry or simply just a fecal freak.

"No! No! No! Don't do it! There's better stuff to eat!"

"EEWWW!!!!!"

Halfway through the hike, we stopped to eat our lunch--sandwiches and energy bars that we had packed.  Somehow, the sight of that chippie munching on the horse poop made our meal less palatable.

Eventually the trail looped around back and brought us back towards our starting point.

Although this hike was only 2 miles longer than the one the day before, it was more tiring because of the more significant elevation changes.  As expected climbing back up those switchbacks to get back up to the rim was exhausting.  We had to stop and rest for 10 minutes before we finally made it back up to the top.

Afterwards, we drove along the canyon rim, stopping at several of the scenic outlooks.

From nearby Inspiration Point, we got an alternative view of the area that we had just hiked through.

At the very end of the Bryce Canyon Amphitheater is the highest area, Rainbow Point.

At the "Natural Bridge" outlook point, visitors
can see a formation that is technically an arch.

We were exhausted that afternoon from all of the hiking.  Since there weren't any quality restaurants within a few minutes drive, we simply had instant ramen for dinner that night.