Atuhualpa’s Revenge - Surviving My Last Day In Peru

We began our last day in Peru on a sour note.  When we arrived at the airport, The Wife realized that she had left that crappy Peru-Rent-A-Cell phone at the hotel.  Failure to return it would cost us more than $50-100 which is ridiculous considering that thing couldn't be worth more than $5.  We had time to go back and get it since the hotel was less than 20 minutes away by taxi.  Just to be on the safe side, we instead called the hotel and asked if one of the many doormen could drop it off to us right away.  Of course we would give them a nice tip and pay their cab fare.  We waited 30…45…60…and finally 75 minutes but nobody from the hotel ever showed.  We had to give up and rush to get on the plane as they started calling our names on the intercom.  Incidentally, all that waiting gave me ample time to check out the airport security.  They had plenty of guys on patrol dressed up in full military fatigues carrying Kalashnikov’s.  I’m glad I didn't buy that dried llama fetus after all.

We arrived in Lima and checked all of our bags in the lockers (total cost was about 75 soles).  I was feeling a little queasy at that time, but figured it was just side effects of the flight.  We had arranged for a half-day tour of the city with local tour guide, Vanessa Vasquez.  She recommended we walk an extra 10 minutes to find a taxi outside the airport as those inside are notorious for jacking up the fares.  Even then, the price was substantially higher than those in Arequipa or Cusco.  We started the walking portion of the tour from the Plaza Grau and headed towards the Plaza San Martin.  Along the way, she pointed out buildings with different architectural styles that represented the Spanish and French influences on the city.  Unfortunately, many were in such a sad state of disrepair.

Eventually we arrived at the Plaza de Armas.  The gated Presidential Palace takes up one entire end.  It is a grand-looking building surrounded by much security.  Oddly enough, we noticed several portable air conditioning units sticking out of the windows.  I would have expected central HVAC for the President.  The Plaza de Armas was packed with Limeños watching the Uruguay vs. South Korea match on a gigantic flat screen television.  Peruvians were much more excited about the World Cup than folks back home.  And their team hasn't even qualified for the event in 20 years.

Presidential Palace in the Plaza de Armas

I actually think that most people were there just to watch Diego Forlan's hair.

While Vanessa was telling us about the Cathedral of Lima that was built by Francisco Pizarro after he founded the city, an old woman standing nearby went apeshit on her in Spanish when she heard the Pizarro name.  I guess old animosities never die.  We passed the Archbishop's Palace on the way to the Convento de San Francisco.  At this point, I was starting to feel pretty sick, so I made it my mission to find a bathroom..

Cathedral of Lima

Archbishop's Palace

We stopped at a new library/convention center converted from an old train station.

The building was open air except for a a beautiful stain-glass ceiling.

We eventually arrived at the St. Francis Monastery which is a popular tourist destination because of its underground catacomb.  There are tens of thousands of skeletons neatly arranged by bone type.  Although I've had to deal with cadavers a lot in the past, the place still gave me the shivers.  But then again, it may have also been my stomach.  I suspect that that the cuy I had eaten the day before was trying to claw its way out of my belly.

Pigeons covered the St. Francis Monastery.

When we had made it to our next stop, the Huaca Pucllana, a large adobe and clay pyramids built around 200-700 AD, I spent the next hour fighting groups of school children for access to the bathroom.  Vanessa took The Wife on a tour of the site while I lay passed out on a park bench.

The monotonous mud bricks of Huaca Pucllana

I've had better days.

After bidding Vanessa farewell, we had lunch at the adjacent restaurant of the same name.  We were a little surprised that the waiters didn't speak much English considering this is such a touristy location.  Fortunately, I had been able to hone my Spanish over the previous two weeks (i.e. I pointed at the menu and muttered something unintelligible).  The Wife loved the fried ceviche appetizer marinated in leche de tigra (it’s not really ceviche if it’s cooked, right?).  She also piled it on with a more traditional ceviche dish.  I picked through their shrimp risotto which tasted exactly like Louisiana jambalaya.  I was too sick to enjoy this place which is unfortunate as it gets good reviews from other travelers.  To add insult to injury, we had to watch our boys get knocked out of the World Cup by Ghana on the nearby TV.

Fish and shrimp ceviche

Shrimp risotto

We had planned on visiting some of the local museums before our flight home, but I was in no shape for that.  Instead we spent the afternoon at the Larcomar shopping center.  It reminded me of the malls at home.

Lima has great views of the Pacific Ocean provided that you can see through the fog.

Youths play futsal down on the beach.

There was a Peru Rail kiosk advertising the Andean Explorer experience.  They had some nice comfy chairs and a TV screen showing scenery whizzing by.  Curiously, they left out the horrible, incessant shaking.  False advertising.

We caught our flight at midnight and made it home the next day.  Overall, we had a great time in Peru.  Our itinerary was a bit hectic leaving us really no time to relax.  We were able to sleep in after 7 AM only once the entire trip.  We were very lucky not to run into any problems that could have obliterated our plans.  By the time we got to Peru, they had the train to Machu Picchu up and running (well, at least partially).  The strikes that paralyzed Cusco happened while we were already away on the Inca Trail.  Furthermore, the flights in and out of the Amazon were not cancelled or delayed due to weather.  We accomplished everything that we had planned ahead of time.

Tourism is a vital industry in the areas of Peru that we visited.  Our limited Spanish was not a problem since there are plenty of English-speaking people or signs around.  In the Cusco area especially, we were accosted by a routine stream of people trying to offer massages, sell junk, or cajole you into their restaurants.  It is no different from many other countries that we have visited.  Most areas of Peru are poor.  Clean water and sanitation are lacking and even non-existent in some rural areas.  The most frustrating part was that these people’s ancestors had created an impressive infrastructure of buildings and roads that have and will stand the test of time.  I would expect that with their modern technology, vast mineral resources, and continuous influx of tourist money, Peruvians could do much better than the dusty dirt roads and crumbling adobe houses.  From speaking to many Peruvians, most blame this problem on their long history of government corruption.  In my opinion, Peru was a great place to visit.  It would be a shame if they don't eventually fix their problems.

Sexy Woman and Rodents - Enjoying Our Last Day In the Sacred Valley

This was our last full day in the Sacred Valley.  We met David Ramos again for a tour of Cusco.  Our first stop was the fortress of Sacsayhuaman (pronounced as "sexy woman").  Because it was the site of the Inti Raymi festivities the day before, there were still rows of folding chairs and a makeshift stage with a gaudy gold-painted throne.

Remnants of the previous day's festivities.

The ruins were composed of some of the largest stones we had seen in Incan architecture.  Sadly, the conquistadors had dismantled so much of the fortress.  Otherwise, I’m sure it would rival Machu Picchu in grandeur and fame.

David pointed out several patterns in the walls of the fortress such as a serpent and a puma paw print.  At the time, I thought he was on some bad ayahausca trip (Later, I saw a photo of another Incan ruin that proved that they did build designs into their walls).  At the top we got a great view of the city.  I could almost imagine Manco Inca and his warriors standing on that exact spot during the siege of Cusco in 1536.

Puma paw or just coincidence? 

Cusco's Plaza de Armas can be seen from hills at Sacsayhuaman.

David led us to the less visited side of the ruins.  There were some natural slides in the rock.  He said that kids would go sledding down there when it snows.  I don't know, they looked pretty steep.  Besides, does it really snow there?  We passed a circular field to get to some tunnels.

There are many niches in the walls that were used in the past to bury the dead. We were told that thieves sometimes hide down there to rob tourists.  All we saw was an old lady and her llama.

It's sad when the elderly must turn to a life of crime.

We then drove a short distance to Q’enko.  This temple originally had a large sacred rock carved like a frog.  It has been damaged over the years, so now it just looks like a big blob.  Nevertheless, there were some extensive rock carvings including a surrounding row of stone seats or niches.

Inside a small cave are also several openings which were used in the past to store mummies.

A small altar forms the profile of a llama...if you turn your head sideways.

We headed back into the city to quench our thirst.  David took us to a clean watering-hole where we had some chicha, a fermented beverage made with corn.  Unlike the spit-fermented chicha that Anthony Bourdain drank in the Amazon jungle, our drink was made with more sanitary techniques.  In general, The Wife and I drink very little alcohol.  It’s probably because we come from a long line of people who are deficient in alcohol dehydrogenase.  Nevertheless, both of us actually enjoyed the drink a lot, much more than the popular pisco sours.

Chicha morado

The flag of Cusco, not West Hollywood

Our next stop was the Qorikancha (Temple of the Sun).  Like many other Incan buildings, it too had been converted by the Spanish into a cathedral.  The Dominican architecture, while beautiful in its own right, does not compare to the precision and durability of the Incan masonry.  The walls of the temple were apparently even more amazing during Incan times.  Unfortunately, greedy conquistadors ripped off all of the sheets of pure gold that had covered the walls.

The Qorikancha is now a functioning cathedral.

The Incans built the walls with amazing precision.

Christian-themed painting decorate some of the hallways.

The smallest stone in the Qorikancha

The holes in these extra stones show how the walls fit together like Lego's.

A miniature model of how the palace looked during the Incan Empire.

Large flowers grew in the cathedral's adjacent garden.

I could not leave Peru without trying cuy.  We drove out to a small town outside of Cusco known as Tipon that specializes in cooking up guinea pigs.  These little rodents were stuffed with herbs and whole-roasted in an oven.  They were served up baring a macabre grin and still sporting their little rat claws.  I dug in heartily.  The Wife only tried a few nibbles and then polished off the accompanying peppers and potatoes.  There is really very little meat on these guys especially on the front half of the body.  The cuy we tried did not have a strong or gamy taste, probably because it only “free ranges” within somebody’s house.  David encouraged me to eat the head, brains and all.  The guinea pig and I were not quite at that stage in our relationship yet.

A cook grills up some tasty rodent flesh.

I got acquainted with my formerly-furry friend.

Keeping the tiny little claws on makes the cuy that much more appetizing.

We spent the afternoon at the Museo Inka.  Having a guide take us through there was really helpful.  There are some descriptions of the exhibits, but they are not as thorough as, say, the Smithsonian.  David’s knowledge helped fill in the many gaps.

A local craftswoman weaves a blanket in the museum's courtyard.

Afterwards, we ended our tour at the Cathedral of Santa Domingo in the Plaza de Armas.

The church is truly a beautiful building with even more marvelous (and somewhat garish) objects inside.  It houses the “Black Christ” which has developed that color from centuries of candle smoke and ash.  This artifact is paraded through the streets of Cusco annually as it is thought to be protective against earthquakes.  My favorite painting is the infamous Last Supper by Marcos Zapata.  Created in the Cusquena tradition, it depicts Jesus and his Disciples eating cuy, passion fruit, corn, and other foods indigenous to the new world.

On a side note, there are several shops mainly around the San Blas area that sell machine-made replicas of famous oil paintings, usually at pretty high prices.  I really wanted to find a copy of this aforementioned painting but was repeatedly unsuccessful.  Luckily, I stumbled into a small shop where I found an artist who could replicate any painting from its picture.  He would do it for even less than any machine-made copy.  I told him that we were leaving Cusco soon, but he promised that he could deliver in that time.  I was a very skeptical about the quality but paid the small deposit for it.  When I came to pick it up the next day, I was in for a shockingly-good surprise.  It was beautiful.  He had a done such a marvelous job replicating the painting down to the smallest details on a smaller scale (the original is huge).  He had spent the entire night and following day painting it, but still had the Disciple's hands to finish.  He even delivered it to my hotel late that evening when he did complete it.  I paid him more than we had agreed because I thought that he had done such a great job in such a short time.  If I ever make it back to Cusco, I’m going to bring pictures of other paintings—Mona Lisa, Landscape with the Fall of Icarus, Dogs Playing Poker, Starry Night, The Scream, etc—for him to replicate.  The artist’s name is Enrique Pescoran Perez (artesanias_san_blas@hotmail.com), and his shop is Caller de Arte Souvenir.

We gave David our most heartfelt thanks and said our goodbyes.  We truly appreciated his vast knowledge of Incan history.  His passion for his heritage is evident.  There are several other touring options in the Sacred Valley that are cheaper than hiring a personal guide.  However, given our time constraints, I don’t think we would have been as immersed in the culture of this region if we did not have David showing us around.

We spent the evening at the Museo de Arte Precolombino (MAP) near our hotel.  Since there is a greater emphasis on art rather than history, I did not like this place as much as the Museo Inka.  The galleries at the MAP are presented more modernly and professionally, but I could not get over the exhibit descriptions.  They sounded too much like a snooty art aficionado piling on the B.S.  Did I mention that I am a philistine?  Nevertheless, I did appreciate the awesome pottery, much of it from the Moche culture.

We then dined at the fancy MAP Café.  I really enjoyed my appetizer which was essentially a stew with Andean spices and vegetables covered in puff pastry.  Puff pastry makes anything good.  In my quest to eat two of each animal on this planet, I felt compelled to try the cuy dish.  They fancied up the rodent by making a confit of the hindquarters—similar to how duck is often served.  Unfortunately, I really did not enjoy this version as much because the meat was rendered too chewy and dry in order to make the skin crispy.  Overall the food and service were good but somewhat pricey.